You probably already know you drink more than you'd like. That's not the question.
The question is: why?
Not in a judgmental, soul-searching, "what's wrong with me" way. But in a simple, practical, "what's actually happening here" way.
Because here's the truth: you can't change a pattern you don't understand. And most people who struggle with drinking are operating on autopilot - pouring that glass, opening that bottle, ordering that round without ever really examining what's driving it.
This isn't about admitting you have a problem or labelling yourself. It's about getting curious instead of getting stuck.
Why Patterns Matter More Than Willpower
When people try to quit drinking, they usually focus on willpower. "I just need to be stronger. I just need to want it more."
But willpower is a terrible strategy because it ignores the fact that your drinking isn't random. It's patterned. Predictable. It happens in specific situations, at specific times, with specific triggers.
Understanding your pattern gives you something willpower never can: clarity about what you're actually dealing with.
Think about it this way: if you're trying to stop drinking but you don't know when you're most vulnerable, what triggers the urge, or what you're actually getting from alcohol - you're fighting blind.
The research on habit change is clear: awareness precedes change. You need to see the pattern before you can interrupt it.
This isn't psychoanalysis. You don't need to unpack your entire childhood. You just need to notice: When do I drink? What happens right before? What am I feeling? What am I getting from it?
Simple questions. Powerful insights.
The Trap of Shame-Based Reflection
Here's where most self-reflection about drinking goes wrong: it becomes an exercise in self-judgment.
"Why am I so weak?" "Why can't I just stop?" "What's wrong with me that I need this?"
That's not reflection - that's shame spiralling. And shame doesn't create change. It creates hiding, denial, and more drinking.
Real pattern recognition is different. It's curious, not condemning. It's data collection, not self-flagellation.
You're not asking "What's wrong with me?" You're asking "What's happening here?"
Big difference.
Activity: Map Your Drinking Pattern
For the next week, track your drinking using this simple framework. You're not trying to stop or change anything necessarily yet - you're just observing.
Grab a notebook and keep it somewhere private.
Each time you drink (or each time you have a strong urge to drink), write down:
1. WHEN
- Day of the week
- Time of day
- What you were doing right before
Example: "Friday, 6:30pm, just got home from work"
Your observations:
[Write down your thoughts]
2. WHERE
- Physical location
- Alone or with others
- What was the setting
Example: "Kitchen, alone, kids finally in bed"
Your observations:
[Write down your thoughts]
3. WHAT WAS HAPPENING
- What happened in the hour before
- Any specific events or interactions
- What was on your mind
Example: "Stressful client call, partner complained about mess,
felt overwhelmed by everything"
Your observations:
[Write down your thoughts]
4. WHAT YOU WERE FEELING
- Emotional state (be specific)
- Physical sensations
- Energy level
Example: "Anxious, tight chest, exhausted but wired,
couldn't settle"
Your observations:
[Write down your thoughts]
5. WHAT YOU WERE SEEKING
- What did you want alcohol to do?
- What feeling were you chasing?
- What were you trying to avoid?
Example: "Wanted to feel relaxed, shut off my brain,
escape the mental noise"
Your observations:
[Write down your thoughts]
At the end of the week, look for patterns:
- Do you always drink at the same time?
- Are there specific emotional triggers that show up repeatedly?
- What are you consistently trying to get from alcohol?
- Are there situations where you don't drink that surprise you?
Write down what you notice:
[Things I noticed...]
What This Exercise Reveals
If you've tracked honestly for a week, you should start seeing your pattern emerge.
Maybe you drink every time you feel overwhelmed. Maybe it's always after difficult conversations. Maybe it's tied to loneliness, boredom, or the transition from "work mode" to "home mode."
This isn't about judgment - it's about recognition.
Once you see the pattern, three things become possible:
1. You can predict when you'll be vulnerable
Instead of being blindsided by cravings, you'll know: "Friday at 6pm is my danger zone" or "Arguments with my partner always make me want to drink."
2. You can identify what you actually need
If you're drinking to escape stress, the real need isn't alcohol - it's stress management. If you're drinking because you're lonely, the real need is connection. Pattern recognition shows you what you're actually seeking.
3. You can create alternative responses
When you know the trigger, you can plan a different response. Not white-knuckling through it, but genuinely addressing what you need in a healthier way.
The Pattern Isn't Your Enemy
Here's something important: your drinking pattern developed for a reason. It was solving something for you - even if it's now creating more problems than it solves.
Understanding the pattern isn't about condemning yourself for having it. It's about seeing clearly what's happening so you can make different choices.
You're not broken. You're not weak. You're human, and you've been using alcohol to manage things that are genuinely difficult.
The question now is: what else could work?
Your Next Steps
Now that you've started mapping your pattern, here's how to use this awareness:
1. Keep Tracking
Continue this practice. Patterns become clearer over time. You'll spot things in week three that you missed in week one.
2. Look for Alternative Solutions
For each trigger you've identified, brainstorm three other ways you could address that need. If you drink to relax, what else relaxes you? If you drink to connect, how else could you find connection?
3. Test and Learn
Try different responses to your triggers. Some will work, some won't. That's fine - you're experimenting, not failing.
4. Get Support
Sometimes patterns are too entrenched to interrupt alone. That's not weakness - that's realistic assessment. Consider using a Sobriety Coach or doing a program.
5. Connect to What Matters
Remember why you're doing this. What does sobriety give you access to? What Really Matters to You?
Book a free discovery call. We'll talk honestly about where you are and whether my approach fits what you need.
If we're a good match, we'll work together. If not, we'll know and maybe I can point you toward someone or something else.
Either way, you'll have clarity about your next step.
