Most people think they want to quit drinking because they "should."
Maybe a doctor mentioned your liver. Maybe your partner said something. Maybe you just feel like you're supposed to want to stop.
But here's the truth: "should" is a terrible motivator. It rarely leads to lasting change because it comes from outside pressure, not internal clarity.
When you dig deeper, there's something much more powerful underneath those "shoulds" - something that actually matters to you. And when you connect with that, everything shifts.
Why Values Matter More Than Willpower
Think about the last time you tried to quit drinking - or even just cut back.
If you're like most people, you probably focused on the drinking itself. The number of days without alcohol. The rules you'd follow. The willpower you'd need.
And if you're reading this, that approach probably didn't work long-term.
Here's why: you were trying to move away from something (alcohol) without being clear about what you're moving toward.
Real, sustainable change doesn't happen when you white-knuckle your way through cravings. It happens when you're pulled forward by something that genuinely matters to you - something bigger than the temporary relief alcohol provides.
The psychology here is solid: we're much better at moving toward what we value than away from what we fear. When your sobriety is connected to your deepest values - say, being present for your kids, having energy for your creative work, or showing up as your authentic self - you're not depriving yourself of alcohol. You're choosing something more important.
The Gap Between What Matters and What You're Doing
Most of us don't regularly stop to think about what truly matters to us. We wake up, handle responsibilities, put out fires, fit in some relaxation (often with a drink), and repeat.
But somewhere in there, there's often a gap.
A gap between:
- What you say matters most (family, health, creativity, connection)
- How you actually spend your time and energy
Alcohol has a sneaky way of widening that gap. It promises to help you relax, connect, or unwind, but often leaves you further from the things you actually value. You miss moments with your kids because you're foggy. You don't write that book because you're tired. You don't show up authentically because you're performing a version of yourself.
This exercise helps you see that gap clearly - not to shame yourself, but to get honest about what's actually happening.
Activity: What Really Matters to You?
Take the next few minutes for genuine self-reflection. Have you ever really considered what's most important to you in life?
Step 1: Brain Dump
First, grab a pen and notebook and just write. No filtering, no judging. What makes you feel alive? What do you value most deeply?
Think about:
- Relationships (family, friends, connection)
- Health (physical, mental, energy)
- Work (purpose, achievement, contribution)
- Creativity (expression, making things)
- Growth (learning, becoming, transformation)
- Freedom (autonomy, choice, flexibility)
- Peace (calm, stability, groundedness)
Write whatever comes to mindStep 2: Your Hierarchy of Values
Step 2: Your Hierarchy of Values
Now, from everything you've written, identify your top 5-7 values. Then rank them from most important to least important.
Be honest. This is for you, not for who you think you should be.
1. _________________________________
2. _________________________________
3. _________________________________
4. _________________________________
5. _________________________________
6. _________________________________
7. _________________________________Step 3: The Reality Check
Take your top 3 values and answer these questions:
My #1 Value:
How does my drinking affect this?
Write down your thoughtsWhat would change if I were sober?
Write down your thoughtsMy #2 Value:
How does my drinking affect this?
Write down your thoughtsWhat would change if I were sober?
Write down your thoughtsMy #3 Value:
How does my drinking affect this?
Write down your thoughtsWhat would change if I were sober?
Write down your thoughtsWhat This Exercise Reveals
If you've been honest with yourself, you might be feeling something right now. Maybe discomfort. Maybe clarity. Maybe both.
That's the point.
This isn't about judgment - it's about honest assessment. When you see in black and white how your drinking affects the things that matter most to you, something shifts. The cost becomes real, not abstract.
But here's the beautiful part: you've also just identified your why.
Not the "I should quit" why. Not the "everyone thinks I have a problem" why.
Your actual, genuine, powerful why.
When you're facing a craving, you won't need to summon willpower. You'll remember: "This drink is going to cost me [my value]. And [my value] matters more."
That's not deprivation. That's choosing what matters.
Your Next Steps
This exercise is just the beginning. Real transformation comes from:
- Revisiting your values regularly - They guide your decisions
- Building specific goals around what matters - Not just "quit drinking" but "be present for my daughter's bedtime every night"
- Creating concrete plans for protecting your values - What will you do instead of drinking?
- Tracking evidence of progress - Noticing when you're living in alignment with what matters
The path from here becomes clearer when you're moving toward something that genuinely matters to you, rather than just trying to avoid alcohol.
Book a free discovery call. We'll talk honestly about where you are and whether my approach fits what you need.
If we're a good match, we'll work together. If not, we'll know and maybe I can point you toward someone or something else.
Either way, you'll have clarity about your next step.
If this exercise resonated with you, I'd love to hear about it. And if you're ready to explore what sobriety could look like for you - connected to what actually matters in your life - let's talk.
